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Always the Sidekick
Why is it that I feel like I have Sidekick written on my forhead? I always end up being the sidekick and never the main girl. I don't find this out till after I get the uncontrolled emotions and feelings syndrome. Is there anything wrong with trying to establish a friendship first? I normally wait some months before I pop the where is this going factor. Basically, what are the true rules for establishing a title in a relationship, from a man's point of view?
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Back On Her Throne...
Hi Truman, well we had a conversation before...and u gave me the name 'Once Upon a Time a Queen.....well I just wanted you to know that I have been blessed....right after I wrote you the most wonderful black man came into my life and I am so thankful for him...he’s all that I asked for....soooo are you Santa????.....anyways...i just wanted you to know that I was wrong and I guess there are still some wonderful smart black men out there....why they choose not to be discovered is an enigma....well in saying all that....thanks listening....or what ever happened..... signed....i'm ok now!!!!!!!
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Big Girl With a Problem
Hi, Truman, I have a real problem dating becuase of my size. I am a size 20 in womens clothing. I dress cute and I have long brown hair that is my own. I try to keep looking good. I own my own business and have a college degree but the brothas in my town are not biting. Upon listing myself on this site I recieve e-mails from people saying your so beautiful. Why don't you have a boyfriend? It hurts and I am tired of dating here because the guys that are attracted to me are old or young playa, playa's. Whats a girl to do?
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Connected Sex
I have been with my man for a year now and we do not have sex as much as I would like. Maybe it's because I am 26 and he is 44. What should i do?
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Do all men find ambition intimidating?
I am a young 27 year old, independent and ambitious sister who is career minded. Unfortunately I find many single black men to be intimidated or put off by my professional drive. While I enjoy a certain level of chivalry, I don’t expect a man to pay my way. I date here and there but it seems like a struggle in finding the right match. ...
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Does This Sound Shady To You?
There is this guy who I've known for over 9 years. We have always been close all through high school. About 2 years ago we got especially close, started going everywhere together, he came to see me alot we spent the night together but all that happend was some kissing and then we were talking one night and he said he wanted us to be together and I said so do I, then next day he was suppose to come see me but didn't, something happend to his car and the next thing I know he acts like nothing was ever said. And we didn't talk for months and one day I called and he returned my call and everything seemed ok he would come over and we would hang out and he'd call like he use to, but now I havn't heard from him in about a month,my birthday was about a month ago and about two weeks ago he said we would do something for my birthday and I saw him on my birthday at a store, he said to call him, but till this day he hasn't returned my call. I really do like him and I felt as if though he had feelings for me. Did I do something?
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Don't Even Save This Drama For Your Mama...
About a month ago I met this really nice guy, sweet, generous, the whole works. He stays about forty five minutes away from me. i go see him about once every week since we met. Now here's the catch, he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, but I am not all that happy, I know relationships have there problems but we argue over the same thing just about everyday, that was my whole reason for going to see the other guy who I'll call Troy. Troy told me about 5 days ago that he loves me and of course i don't believe it and I told him that and he got upset, so I told him that I believe him, but I am ready to get out of my relationship with my boyfriend, but i don't think Troy is ready to leave his girlfriend and I'm definitely not going to ask him too. If he wants me, only me then he will let it be known,but the whole love thing is alittle extreme. If he loved me he would make time to call me more, right? Do you believe in love at first sight? So what do you think I should do?
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How Can I Attract a Man?
Truman, how can I attract a man?
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I Think He's Cheatin'. What Should I Do?
MR. TRUMAN I FEEL LIKE MY MAN IS CHEATING ON ME WITH SOMEONE FROM HIS JOB. I JUST HAVE THIS FEELING, SHOULD I ACT ON IT? WHEN I ASK HIM QUESTIONS HE GETS REAL UPSET. THEN WHEN IT COMES TO ME HE WANTS TO KNOW EVERYTHING BUT GETS MAD WHEN I DONT TELL HIM NOTHING.
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In Denial With a Married Man
I have begun to fall in love with an unhappily married man. I didn't mean to do it but it is beginning to happen. We are such good friends for and to one another. We spend time together, talk on the phone each day and understand each other so well that we sometimes complete each other's sentences. He truly is one of the first really "together" men I've experienced -- and, he "gets" me. I finally found someone who really understands, appreciates and celebrates me as much as (and even more than) I do him! We truly are in tune with one another and we sincerely enjoy each other's company. ...
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Look Again
Why do educated independant black women feel the need to surround themselves by brothers that are intimidated by them. I read the question posed by the sista asking why she finds herself in this situation so often. I have heard this complaint a thousand times from women, yet these women keep repeating the same behavior that lands them in the company of men that lack the self esteem, confidence and experiences that would prepare them to receive a queenly woman into their lives. It seems to me that if my current method is obviously flawed, it would make sense to change it. Are these women addicted to complaining about men? I think it may be more challenging to be a real woman than an intimidator. What do you think?
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Losing Your Soul
My second husband and I were separated and divorced 14 years. He came back into my life when our daughter started to college and married. He told me that he wanted my forgiveness for the wrong things he had done to me and would like to make another try at our marriage. He had married several other women during this time but I really don't have a problem with them. My problem is at first he was all good and everything but I told him that I wanted to hold off on remarrying him until we see if this is going to work out. He is a truck driver and is gone for three weeks or more at a time. He was calling me three or four times a day and I would do the same. It has been about a year and a half now and he has gone back to some of the same things that broke us up. He won’t share his business with me, he gets angry when I ask him about it and won’t call or come home. He is unable to have a erection without medication. We both have some health problems. He will not show any affection to me, other than a kiss every now and then. I need his support financially so I am trying very hard to make this work. What can I do to gain his trust and affection back?
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Love Don't Hit
I have been dating this guy for 1 year and six months now.This is the first serious relantionship for both of us.I mean he tells me that i'm one person he would like to spend the rest of his life with.When we first started dating we got into an argument and he slapped me on my face.He apologized and swore never to do that again.he had never hit a woman before.My question is if i'm the first woman he has ever loved then why did he put his hands on me.I still have feelings for him and i cannot imagine life without him but on the other hand i dont want to be with a violent person because he did once he might do it again....
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Loving of Another Color
I have met this guy at work who would come to see me every time he was in my place of employment. If someone else could assist him this man would still come my way. We eventually started talking, but because I was unsure of if he was feeling my vibe. I would always smile and look directly into his eyes and when my work location changed I explained that to him and he stated that "He would find me." He has encouraged me to call him before yet I have not had the nerve until a few days ago. He is a very sexy man, tall and the only difference is that he is white and I am black. I have never gone after a white man, and with the way he stated he would find me and the invitation to call him if he were black I would have made a move. ...
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My Soul Mate
WHY IS IT SO HARD IN TODAY'S WORLD TO FIND THAT PERSON THAT IS YOUR SOUL MATE? WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP THE PROCESS OF CONNECTING WITH MINE?
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Once Upon a Time, A Queen...
Well to start off...I recently read a some advice you gave a sista on why men may be intimated when meeting an educated independed blk woman....I too find it hard to meet any african american men with any ambition...they either can't or choose not to speak correct english.....always saying they know what women want.... but have no clue....they just seem to think with their private parts most of the time...thinking... if I do it well in the bed room...everything else should fall into place....but it doesn't....many of them say black women are not compatable because they come with baggage....welllll...
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Once, Twice, Three Times You Crazy
I recently found out that my man has been cheating on me. He stayed with this woman for five days. Then he decided that he wanted to come back to me. He tells me that he is confused. What should I do. Give him a another chance to prove himself or not. My pride, pain and my self esteem is saying no but my heart says I love him. Oh, This is the 2nd time but with a different person.
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Playing Games
Why do these so called men claim to want someone who is not about games, but they want to play them?
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Scandalous?
What would be some reasons for a man not inviting a lady he's been dating for more than 3 months to his home. And why would a man wear the same clothing (always the same outfit)each and every time the couple went out for a short evening. Also, why would he not shower (never saw my bathroom) after sex, although he never stayed past 1:30am any given night.
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Should I Keep Waiting?
Sometimes bad things happen to good people and my boyfriend is in jail and I have been waiting faithfully for about a year he will be coming home in another 4 or 5 months the problem is that I have had good opportunites to meet men who can offer me a better future in a relationship but I won't take the chance because my boyfriend and I like a lot of the same things and we are very comfortable with each other should I wait or explore my possibilites?
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Thanks for the Support
Truman I simply want to compliment and affirm you. I find your responses quite impressive. You may not be an expert, by your own admission but, you possess the wisdom and compassion of a sage. Brother, please, keep up your good work.
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This is Your Life Right Now...
I have been in a relationship for 2 years now and even moved to the same city so we could be closer. Truman he says he loves me but he is not ready to get married yet so my question is should I wait and do you think he will ever marry me? Or do you think I am wasting my time?
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To My Boy-Crazy Little Sister...
I AM A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE AND THERE ARE TWO GUYS WHOM I AM VERY MUCH SO ATTRACTED TO, BUT I PREFERR TO BE WITH ONE OF THEM REALLY BAD, BUT I DON'T THINK THEY'LL TALK TO ME BECAUSE THEY ARE UPPER CLASSMAN. WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS HOW WILL I APPROACH THIS GUY THAT I LIKE OR HOW SHOULD I APPROACH HIM. EVERYTIME I SEE HIM HE JUST TAKE MY BREATHE AWAY. I WENT TO THIS PARTY AND WE DANCED TOGETHER LIKE 3 TIMES, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF HE REMEMBER ME, BUT I THINK HE HAVE AN IDEA WHO I AM, BUT I'LL SEE WHENEVER I SEE HIM ON CAMPUS I GUESS.
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Truth Telling
A few of the men I have met insist on coming to my home to pick me up for our first date. They say they are old fashioned and want to treat me like a lady. They get mad when I say no. I am a woman of means and I believe they want to see where I live and what I have. Besides that we live in a dangerous world now. What do you think and what should I tell them?
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About Truman

I love life. Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. I am learning that the hardships and tribulations I experienced in my life all revolved around my conception of love.

I sought love through my relationships with parents, siblings, friends, girlfriends, accomplishments, drugs, food, you name it, only to realize that the reason I couldn't find it in any of these places is because it literally is everywhere. All around us, through us, in us, everywhere.

We are surrounded by Love. And how much we connect with the healing, joyful, peaceful experience that is Love, is entirely up to us. That's the good news. The choice is ours.

To bring more light into your living room, it is not necessary to enlarge the Sun; simply open up the blinds. Let go. Stop resisting. Let love in.

The blinds represent our limited thinking about that which has no limit. It represents our superstitions. "Love ain't easy." "I'm not pretty enough to be loved." "If I was rich and famous, everyone would love me." "Love hurts."

Who told you these things? More importantly, since you are in charge of you, why did you let these ideas into your home, the mansion of your soul? Why have you closed the blinds, now peering through the slits of superstition, longing for Love?

I ask myself this same question I have put to you. Let this space be a safe space for all of us do discuss, share, and learn about this most fundamental issue.

All of our relationships reflect back to us our conception of love. I believe that is the blessing of other people. Romantic relationships are one of the most intimate and powerful ways in which we can learn and grow. In the mirror of our significant other we see, deep down, who we think we are; the good, the bad, and the ugly. The mirror is an opportunity for us to see what we are creating in our lives.

If you think Love ain't fair, that's what you will experience. If you think all men are dogs, that will be your world. You don't trust women? Perhaps you do not trust yourself. There are many ideas that lurk in our minds, as well as in the collective mind of our community that block the light from entering our lives. It's time to be honest, it's time to be frank, it's time to be real. You can't give what you don't know you have.

I am a son, a brother, a writer, an entrepreneur, a lover, a thinker, a child of the Most High.

I am not an expert, I am your fellow adventurer in this grand wow we call life. My mission is to experience Love in all its fullness and I promise I will share the insights I gather on my journey along the sunlit path. The more we realize the ever present Love, the brighter our lives will be, our families, our romantic relationships, our communities, the world.

Please share your questions and experiences so that I may serve you, as well as those who have come here to grow.

Allow me to help you help yourself.

What's on your mind fams :) ?

One.

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