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Once Upon a Time, A Queen...

Tired Too (Grand Rapids, Michigan) asks:

Hello Mr. Truman

Well to start off...I recently read a some advice you gave a sista on why men may be intimated when meeting an educated independed blk woman....I too find it hard to meet any african american men with any ambition...they either can't or choose not to speak correct english.....always saying they know what women want.... but have no clue....they just seem to think with their private parts most of the time...thinking... if I do it well in the bed room...everything else should fall into place....but it doesn't....many of them say black women are not compatable because they come with baggage....welllll....seem to me thats where we got the bags.....them not being responsible and taking care of the job......don't understand that one....I've tried other races....but I love the black male body and mind.....if they can get it together....Blk men seem to be scared of the responsibility of having a good relationship in a stable environment....I know what you told the other sista and all I heard was ...blah...blah...blah....i'm talking reality here....have you been on the streets lately....cum on now don't make excuses for them....we need someone real men.....and if your saying you know some...let us in on it....cuz i'm not seeing it..

What's up Tired Too,

I hear you. I read your letter several times and the first thing I would like you to know, is that I hear you.

In this moment, I choose to be your friend, so instead of telling you what you want to hear, I will tell what I think may serve you best.

You said that it was hard to find African American men with ambition that also choose to speak correct English. When you think about what you really would like to experience in a relationship, how high up on the list is ambition and grammar? Imagine this list of qualities you are looking for and be crystal clear about what’s at the top.

You said that you "love the black male body and mind." Really ;)? In the next breath, you said, "IF (emphasis added) they can get it together." And it is in that breath that you step off your throne. It is in that breath that you give up your power because your Love, the greatest transformative force in the Universe, has been cast into some future condition, only to be realized IF, THEY, Black men, get it together.

So we have Black men blaming Black women, and Black women blaming Black men, and the one thing that could make a difference, LOVE, is left idle on the sideline. So now there is this, what came first, the chicken or the egg scenario, a vicious cycle, and everyone has abdicated his or her thrones, still claiming to be looking for a King or Queen.

Maya Angelou said that, "people tell you who they are." You have told us that you are TOO TIRED. Now sister, I understand. I understand that when we are tired, we are prone to frustration, to anger, to fear. I understand that in a low energy state, our choices may seem limited. What I KNOW, is that you are unlimited. What I know is that you are a QUEEN from birth that seems to have lost her way.

I’ve been on the streets, I’ve been in the clubs, I’ve been a lot of places, and what I saw were people who probably feel just like you.

I request that you be courageous. Get back on your throne. Reclaim the Love that has been reserved for some future condition and share it in the HERE and NOW where it can make a difference in your life. Love is not something to ransom, it is your biggest ally. It is a light, a magnet for other people tuned into the same frequency. It is a constant reminder for those who may have temporarily forgotten. This is your world sister. Lead or follow.

"Be what it is you are looking for."

Thank you very much for coming as you are. Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. Thank you for adding to the growing discussion on the site and serving all the members of this community.

Life is good,


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