About a month ago I met this reaslly nice guy, sweet, generous, the whole works. He stays about forty five minutes away from me. i go see him about once every week since we met. Now here's the catch, he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, but I am not all that happy, I know relationships have there problems but we argue over the same thing just about everyday, that was my whole reason for going to see the other guy who I'll call Troy. Troy told me about 5 days ago that he loves me and of course i don't believe it and I told him that and he got upset, so I told him that I believe him, but I am ready to get out of my relationship with my boyfriend, but i don't think Troy is ready to leave his girlfriend and I'm definitely not going to ask him too. If he wants me, only me then he will let it be known,but the whole love thing is alittle extreme. If he loved me he would make time to call me more, right? Do you believe in love at first sight? So what do you think I should do?
What’s up Tashuana,
It seems that your pants are on fire and you are wondering whether or not your shoes match your outfit. How ‘bout we put out the blaze before we go any further.
You basically said that you are cheating on your boyfriend because you argue “over the same thing just about everyday.” Do you think seeing another guy is going to help the communication between you and your boyfriend? I don’t think that you do. If you are ready to move on, then move on, regardless of what “Troy” plans to do with his girlfriend. Your relationship is floundering and from all indications, you have no desire to attend to it. Sounds like you may want to stop wasting your time and your boyfriend’s time. Perhaps you should end it.
Now that we have put the fire out, let’s take a sober look at the rest of your situation. You said, “Troy told me about 5 days ago that he loves me and of course I don't believe it and I told him that and he got upset, so I told him that I believe him.”
Let’s break this down. I guy who is cheating on his girlfriend tells you he LOVES you. You don’t believe him— okay, that makes sense because why would you believe a guy who is already lying to his own girlfriend. So then you tell him that you don’t believe him and he gets upset. SO… you flip-flop and tell him that you do believe him. Now you are lying to HIM because he got upset because you didn’t believe his lies.
Hold on, I need to take a break. (Meanwhile, I get a glass of water, pace around a bit, shake my head a few times in utter disbelief.) Okay, I’m ready to go on…
Then you say, “If he loved me he would make time to call me more, right?” Do you mean make more time for you AFTER he has finished hanging out with his girlfriend? It’s not as if he’s some English aristocrat in some boring English novel who is bound by duty and honor to remain in a loveless marriage in order to unite two warring kingdoms and spare his young children the shame of divorce. He is a twenty-something dude who has a girlfriend. It’s really not that big a deal.
If he Loves you and wants to be with you then, after letting his girlfriend go, he would be with you. It’s much more simple than I think you may have been willing to realize.
I get the feeling that you may enjoy drama and that’s all right. Just be real clear about what it is you are creating in your life. You asked if I believed in Love at first sight. I don’t think Love has much to do with sight. I think it has a lot to do with how well we listen to our own hearts, how well we listen to our conscience. Sometimes when we are playing along in dramas, we can drown that voice out. The voice of Love does not shout over us, it is patient, quiet, powerfully broadcasting to any and all who are open to it.
It is ready for you too, whenever YOU are ready.
Please save what you have written and shared with us. One day you will look back on this and smile; maybe write a best selling novel ‘cuz you sure have some great material.