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Loving of Another Color

Loving of another color (Garland, texas) asks:

I have met this guy at work who would come to see me every time he was in my place of employment. If someone else could assist him this man would still come my way. We eventually started talking, but because I was unsure of if he was feeling my vibe. I would always smile and look directly into his eyes and when my work location changed I explained that to him and he stated that "He would find me." He has encouraged me to call him before yet I have not had the nerve until a few days ago. He is a very sexy man, tall and the only difference is that he is white and I am black. I have never gone after a white man, and with the way he stated he would find me and the invitation to call him if he were black I would have made a move.

I do not want to frighten him away because I am an aggressive female. How can I approach this man without knowing if he was feeling my vibe. Also, if he was suppose to stop by and see me at work and meet later and he has not been able to keep his word he ALWAYS leaves a message apologizing. He is so cute and I really want to know him.

Any ideas?

Dear Loving of Another Color,

I think it’s pretty clear that he’s feeling your vibe. I am not necessarily saying he wants to whisk you off your feet, marry you, and settle down in the suburbs but from what you have shared with us, it seems like he’s interested ;) He’s encouraged you to call him, he always finds you to assist him, and he seems to be a gentleman.

If it were not for the color of his skin, you would have already "made a move." When you get a minute, read Martin Luther King’s speech at the March On Washington in ’63:

"When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

So I ask you, are you free yet? Are you free to listen to your heart? Are you free to follow where it leads?

You said, “I do not want to frighten him away because I am an aggressive female.” First of all, focusing on what you don’t want only amplifies the possibility of it coming to pass. Secondly, it doesn’t serve to create any positive opportunities. For instance, if a waiter came up to you at a restaurant while you were looking at the menu and asked you what you DIDN’T want, you might look at him like he’s crazy. You wouldn’t sit on Santa’s lap and ask him for what you DON’T want for Christmas. I suggest you spend your mental energy focusing on how your positive traits will help you realize a connection with this guy.

Now look, you can only stare into this guy’s eyes and smile but for so long. CALL HIM. Calling him on the phone isn’t aggressive. Knocking on his window at three in the morning with a flashlight may be, but not a phone call. It may help to let him know that the whole color thing is a bit new for you. Instead of having it be the elephant in the room, address it upfront. This way you disarm the one thing about this scenario that has you on edge and both of you are then on the same side of the issue. You both can laugh at it instead of pretending that it’s never crossed your mind.

Let it be simple. A boy likes a girl. A girl likes a boy. Give a friendship room to blossom and you will create a situation, “where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.”

You will have to share with us what happens from there.



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