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How Can I Attract a Man?

honey44 (Greenville, North Carolina) asks:

Truman, how can I attract a man?

Hello Honey44,

To answer your question, I don’t know.

What I do know is what me and many of my boys happen to find attractive in women. I will do my best to share this with you.

One of the most attractive things is a woman who isn’t looking for a man (desperation is no good). She has so many other things in her life that she genuinely cares about, that going out of her way to get a man rarely crosses her mind. She is so into her life, her friends, her family and various activities that her plate is ALMOST full. One of the biggest turn offs is a woman who needs you to entertain her. This is a woman that has nothing better to do than call you constantly while she sits in front of the television. When you ask her what she’s up to, the answer is always “nothin’.” When you are doing your own thing, enjoying your own life, and are fully expressed, you have something to share. However, when you come to a relationship as a spectator, you become a drain. As a man, it’s great to be wanted, desired. To be NEEDED, well that’s a whole different story. One and one make two. One half and one make co-dependency.

Now when it comes to appearance, most men love to see women hanging out of their clothes--that is if we want to take them immediately to bed. We are very visually stimulated. Warning: If you speak to the basest nature in a man, that’s the nature that will speak back. When it comes to women who are relationship material, I am more attracted to those who demonstrate class, style, and some restraint. This doesn’t mean dressing like a nun, it means leaving something to the imagination—it means dressing so that YOU feel good, not every single man in a fifty-foot radius. Plus, if everyone else gets to see it, it sometimes takes away the appeal. Who likes leftovers?

It is so attractive when a woman takes care of herself. She is physically active; she cares about what she eats, she walks like she knows where she’s going. All these things reflect a sense of self worth and confidence. Going overboard may indicate that your priorities are confused. Plus, it’s nice to know your woman can rock a T- shirt and some old sneakers and bum around with you on weekends.

Also, let us know when you are interested. I think it’s wise for women to let men know what’s up. You don’t need a neon sign, it’s cool when there’s some mystery involved. Too much mystery however can sometimes be intimidating. A Brother wants to at least feel that he’s got a chance. A smile goes a long way. Show signs that you are approachable. Laugh and don’t take yourself too seriously. Have fun. Would you rather hang out with happy people or boring people?

Character is important. When you gossip about your friends it’s an immediate red flag. Loyalty and trust is key. What’s also cool is a woman who shows consideration for other people. The whole diva thing may be cute for about a minute, anything more and it’s a drag.

I think that what all this adds up to, is that if you like you and respect you, there’s a great chance we will too.

Good luck,


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