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Always the Sidekick

Always Another (Rockford, Illinois) asks:

Why is it that I feel like I have Sidekick written on my forhead? I always end up being the sidekick and never the main girl. I don't find this out till after I get the uncontrolled emotions and feelings syndrome. Is there anything wrong with trying to establish a friendship first?I normally wait some months before I pop the where is this going factor. Basically, what are the true rules for establishing a title in a relationship, from a man's point of view?

Dear Always Another,

I will let you in on some information that may help you out. It’s pretty straightforward: for the most part men are not that complicated.

Just like how you know you like a guy, a guy knows whether he likes you or not probably in the first five minutes, in some cases maybe sooner. So if you end up the “sidekick”, there is a really good chance that dude just wasn’t in to you like that from the start.

The other possibility is that he is getting absolutely no signs from you that you’re interested. In this case, as a means of self-preservation, he doesn’t push the issue. When a woman puts out those “friend zone” vibes a lot of men know to stay clear.

You wrote, “Is there anything wrong with trying to establish a friendship first?” I think it’s a great idea to establish a friendship. Many balanced, long lasting relationships start out this way. This does not mean however, that you have to PRETEND that you are not into someone. It sounds like you may be hiding behind the veil of the “sidekick” in order to protect yourself. Why do you think that you cannot begin a friendship and show your interest at the same time? After all, that’s how you honestly feel! Hiding your feelings not only comprises the development of something more, it may compromise the friendship because essentially, you are not being truthful.

Also, the whole “where is this going” routine can be a bit scary. You might as well jump out of the bushes wielding a chainsaw while you’re at it ;)

Look, relax. Nine times out of ten, when a guy likes you it will be clear. And if you think that he IS into you, DO something about it. You’ll be okay.

If you don’t want to be the sidekick anymore, stop playing the role.

God bless,


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