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Should I Keep Waiting?

jackiebrown (Jersey City, New Jersey) asks:

Sometimes bad things happen to good people and my boyfriend is in jail and I have been waiting faithfully for about a year he will be coming home in another 4 or 5 months the problem is that I have had good opportunites to meet men who can offer me a better future in a relationship but I won't take the chance because my boyfriend and I like a lot of the same things and we are very comfortable with each other should I wait or explore my possibilites?

Dear Jackie Brown,

This is a very interesting situation that you have shared with us.

You have been waiting faithfully on your boyfriend who is in jail. Should you move on, or should you keep waiting?

I think it is good that you both like many of the same things and that you are comfortable with each other. When there is a foundation of Love, these qualities are amazing. However, when there is no real foundation, what does comfort really mean?

Some people are willing to put up with a mediocre relationship because it is something they are used to; comfort doesn’t necessarily mean it’s working for you, it means that you have been able to rationalize a way to make it work. There are plenty of people in unfulfilling relationships because they are scared to let go of the comfort of what they know. To allow something new in our lives, we must let go of the old. Look out your window at the trees that effortlessly let go of their dried up leaves; they are masters at letting go.

But what happens if we let go and we never meet anybody new and end up alone? What if that is the best that we can do? STOP RIGHT THERE. That is the shadow of fear talking. If the trees were to think that way, there would be no Spring.

When you operate from a place of fear, you will only experience the limitations of those beliefs. The way to experience a loving, fulfilling relationship is to operate from a place of Love. And that place of Love is within. It is not a boyfriend or girlfriend. A great girlfriend or boyfriend is the way that finding Love within expresses itself in your outer world.

If deep down you think you are unworthy of a great partner, what type of partners do you think you will end up with? If deep down, inside, you are tuned in to misery and despair, what type of mate do you think will show up for you? Reflect on your current relationship. Reflect on your past relationships. Do you see any recurring themes?

Jackie, I suggest you take this “by yourself time” to get to know yourself. Take this time to really understand how you feel about YOU because a man can’t offer you anything you don’t first recognize and acknowledge in yourself, whether this is your boyfriend in jail, or someone you just met. Until you get real with what’s going on inside, I think you will continue to go through this pattern that you are in now.

You have an incredible opportunity to open a brand new chapter in your life. Be courageous, be patient, and be true to yourself.

Whatever choice you make, as long as you are on your throne, that choice will serve you well.

Life is good,


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