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Ask Truman

Playing Games

Fed_Up (Albany, New York) asks:

Why do these so called men claim to want someone who is not about games, but they want to play them?

Dear Fed Up,

A man, or anyone for that matter, who says they want someone that is not about games but wants to play games themselves is playing a game with you.

Now look, people love to play games…as long as they’re winning. And usually, when playing games, if there is a winner, there is a loser. And therein lies the problem.

If you are looking to be in a balanced relationship, it’s probably going to be a bit of a challenge if one person has to start off as the loser. The types of games you are referring to are mind games and the person on the losing end may feel deceived and emotionally manipulated-- certainly not a solid footing for the birth of a new partnership.

The good news is that it takes two to play games. Have you ever played checkers with someone who sits still and does not move the pieces? Have you ever played a tennis match by yourself? Probably not.

Those who love playing games of affection may enjoy the lead up to a relationship more than the relationship itself; or they simply are confused about what they want. Traits of the effective game player, misdirection, miscommunication, shadiness (what’s so attractive about that?), don’t translate well to successful relationships where it takes integrity, honesty, and trust among other things.

The best way to avoid people who play games is to avoid playing games yourself.

Love yourself, Love your world,


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