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Connected Sex

Sexy_Chocolate (Mount Vernon, New York) asks:

I have been with my man for a year now and we do not have sex as much as I would like. Maybe it's because I am 26 and he is 44. What should i do?

Dear Sexy Chocolate,

Before you “DO” anything, I think it is important to be aware of where you are. If you asked for directions to Chicago, and someone told you to drive north, that wouldn’t be of much help if you were starting off from Canada.

So, where are you? Well from your profile I see you are in New York, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

Where are you emotionally? Many times we look to “doing” things and “fixing” things to avoid feeling where we are.

So for the moment, let’s not do anything. From what you have shared with us, “you are not having as much sex as you would like.” In the midst of this experience, do you feel rejected, ignored, hurt, dismissed?

Pinpoint the feeling; get in touch with yourself. Be still and listen closely to the divine whisper that is your emotional experience. Our emotions deliver important messages to us. When we act out in dramas, suppress our feelings with addictive behaviors, we turn our backs on the wisdom that helps us to grow and move forward in our lives. OUR FEELINGS HELP US RECONNECT.

Once we are in touch with our selves, once we are aware of our center, we can have authentic connections with other people. When we are TRULY connected to the people in our lives, we will enjoy spiritual, mental, and physical partnerships that are AMAZING. Sex is a blessing! We have to be awake, self-aware, and connected to share this precious gift.

I think if you were having this type of sex you wouldn’t have asked your question in the first place :) Connected sex doesn’t drain us. Connected sex is blissful. Connected sex is invigorating—no matter what age we are! To have connected sex we must first be connected in our own lives.

So, don’t “DO” anything.

Feel where you are in your life. Reconnect with yourself. From there, you will have created a space to realize an authentic connection with your mate. From there your sex life will be an expression of the divine. Or, you may realize that this person is not the right person for you. Either way, you will only know this when you are awake.

Thank you for sharing your story.



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